Angels unawares.

Yesterday I had a very interesting encounter with a woman. Here's the story.

My classes are done for the day and I'm on my way to the gym. On the way to my car to get my gym clothes, there was a woman who passed me on a bike. She stopped, got my attention, and asked me if I could help her. This woman looked like she was maybe in her late forties. She was very tan, a bit frail, and weathered. Her voice was timid when she had asked for help. So of course I would help her if I could. She said she needed help getting groceries. I didn't know if she meant she needed money to buy groceries or a ride to carry groceries. I offered her the few dollars I had but she called me a sweetheart and said no thank you. Her and I walked for a few minutes just talking. She asked if I went to PBA and whether or not I live on campus. Just trying to make small talk. I still couldn't get it off my mind that she needed help and I couldn't help her. So I asked her for her name. Her name is Deborah, and I shook her hand. Then I told her my name is Stephanie. I pulled out a PBA business card. They're white and the backs of them are blank. I wrote my first name and cell number on the back of it. I told her to call me if she ever needs help. Also, that if I can't help her then I'm a part of a local church that has ways of helping people who need it. She had a good smile and said thank you. We waved bye. Deborah was just so sweet. She was out of sight by the time I had gotten my clothes.

This whole experience might seem either trivial or silly once I explain it. But that's okay. It just reminded me that we're meant to help people in any way possible if we can. I couldn't help Deborah today, but maybe there will be a time when she does need help. She has my number and can call. She has an option now to ask someone for help. Now she knows that someone does care. This reminded me of a verse.

"Forget not to show love unto strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."
Hebrews 13:2 

If someone ever asks you for help, and you have the power to help them, please do so. You never know who may be asking.

Back to School. Yayyyy

Today's the first day back to PBA. I'm excited to see how my classes will go. This semester is going to be different than last semester. I'm going to get more focused on school and put forth more effort. Especially with the ministry and volunteering part. I want to go to chapel but not because I feel obligated to. Last semester I had my head in the clouds most days. Either I was tired and worn out, or running off of caffeine and stressed out. There was always something to do and somewhere to be. I had no real sense of direction and put time into things that weren't as important as I thought. Something I'm going to work on this semester is time management. One of my Christmas presents was a daytime planner. Thanks mom! Also, I'm going to wake up earlier every day and have morning quiet time & coffee.

"Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk--not as unwise people but as wise-- making the most of the time because the days are evil." Ephesians 5: 15-16

There was one significant thing I got from reading these verses. Our days are numbered. No matter who we are. So each day we have should be lived wisely. The choices I make today, even the trivial little choices, are going to reflect where I am in my Christian walk. A lot of Christians do some pretty "un-Christian" things. Our excuse is usually "well I'm young" as if that justifies some of our choices.

I'm guilty of using that excuse too to get out of some of my responsibilities. I've used it to justify some of my poor choices last semester. "Well I'm young so God will understand and just forgive me." Even at a Christian college, it's hard to keep my focus on God at times. This semester I plan on having a better focus. I don't want to only be concerned about His bigger will for my life. I also want to be looking for His will in my everyday life. Whether it's helping someone in need or complaining less and being more thankful.

New Year!

First thing's first...... HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)


This New Year has been absolutely amazing so far. It has gotten off to a great start. I got to go to Alabama for a Winter Retreat with Mud Ministry. This was the perfect escape that I needed oh so badly. It was the one chance I had to get away from my everyday life and self-reflect. 2012 is here and along with the New Year came some big decisions I had to make.

One thing that majorly conflicted me was whether or not I wanted to join the National Guard. The pros had outweighed the cons. It would pay for the rest of college. There would be some major character building and I would learn a sense of independence. I would get paid and could save up. I would learn self-defense and never be a damsel in distress. Yet, this retreat had showed me what truly mattered. There would have been a high price to pay if I had decided to join the National Guard. My summer with Mud Ministry would be gone. This is my second year being involved with Mud. The thought of not being at the camps had terrified me. At this retreat, I got to be a camp counselor. That was so awesome. I loved being there for these girls. It was a privilege to even pray for them. How could I give this up for something I would consider a second job? The National Guard plan was kicked to the curb. My heart is with ministry. More specifically, it's with Mud Ministry.

Secondly, I decided to abstain from dating for a year. As of now, it's been six months. That seems like a silly decision to some people. But it wasn't made impulsively. The main reason is to take this time and find out  where I am in my Christian walk and to build my relationship up with God before I get into another serious relationship. I've noticed that I get distracted from God when I'm in a relationship. So this whole year time span is meant to be dedicated to God. Over the summer, I symbolically wrote "momentous relationships" on my rock and tossed it in the lake (It was something done at the Mud Camps).  That was supposed to symbolize something I wanted to purge out of my life. I really plan on sticking with this. During the summer of 2012, I don't want any negative distractions. My heart will be focused solely on the Ministry right in front of me.

Also, I've really learned the meaning of patience. About what it means to wait for God's will instead of pursuing after my own will. After I made the commitment to abstain from dating for a year, it made me think about the kind of person I want to be with. In June 2011, I had prayed for a few things. That the next relationship would be the kind that lasts. Really lasts. That we would become best friends for awhile before we even dated. Most importantly, that he wouldn't just be a Christian but also have a passion for ministry. This is worth waiting for, and I will definitely know when it comes my way. :)

My main focus this semester is to be actively involved in ministry. Mud Ministry is going to be opening up full-time positions. I would be a complete dumbdumb if I didn't jump at this opportunity. That's a little ways down the road. I am definitely going to be committed to being with Mud during the summer. Meanwhile, there's an opportunity for me to get involved with a ministry at a local church. It involves working with teens. The semester starts January 9th and I'll know for sure how I'm going to be involved here.

2012 is unfolding wonderfully so far. I can't wait to see what's in store. My main goal for this year is to be involved with ministry more. That's my heart's passion. That's my calling. I don't want anything to distract me or get in the way of it. This is my prayer for 2012:

"Please make me selfless so that I may put Your desires before mine. Give me the courage that I may speak boldly for You and give me the patience to put aside my will so I may live in Yours." Amen :)

My heart breaks for you.

I think of you and how lost you are, and my heart breaks. You feel like these burdens are unbearable and that you just can't deal with anything anymore. You don't know what to do and like feel like no one understands what you're going through. You have no where to turn. You think you're a burden to those people around you and the people you talk to. That no one loves you and won't miss you if you're gone. You truly think that everyone else's life would be better if you didn't exist anymore.

I'm here to tell you that YOU ARE WRONG. These burdens aren't unbearable. There is a way to get through the pain. There is somewhere for you to turn. You're not a burden to the people around you and the people you talk to. You are SO loved, and you will be SO missed if anything were to happen to you. Everyone's life would be worse without your existence.

Here's why. That lost feeling is explainable. You don't know where to turn to, but there is a place to turn to. There is someone who loves you unconditionally. Regardless of the things you've done, the helplessness you feel, the things you've thought or said, all of your flaws, and short comings. When you feel worthless, they are here to show you that you're worth more than diamonds or pearls or gold. Please, don't give up just yet. There is another way out. A better way. All you have to do is be willing. Be willing to give this a shot. What do you have to lose? This is something you can put your hope in. I promise you that if you come with an open mind and an open heart you will see it.We've talked about this before. I know you have so much potential. You're almost there. 

What's this love I'm talking about? Where can you turn no matter what the circumstance is? God. That's the answer. Nothing can compare to the peace you feel when you ask Him to wrap His arms around you. When He does, you feel an overwhelming peace even though you swear a hurricane was just going on inside of you. Just ask for it. Ask for the peace. Ask for Him to show you His love. Ask Him to show Himself to you if He is really real. Don't be afraid to ask Him about what you're going through. Vent to Him like He's a person. Cry. Scream. Get it out. Just be willing to get answers to the questions that you ask. Ask for hope. Ask to see a way out of this. To see that you can get through this as long as you have Him to lean on and help you through it. You don't have to go through this alone, and I hope you can see this. I hope and pray for you that you can feel His love for you, even when you feel like you don't deserve it or think no one else loves you. Because, well, you are loved. And this kind of love is incomprehensible. You cannot fathom how much you're loved. Things are so difficult right now, but you don't need to do this alone. He is there, waiting for you to call on Him. You've asked questions. I know it's in your heart. 

I've hit rock bottom before. I've been there. You're not alone in your feelings of hopelessness. The only way I got through it was by my faith in God. Literally, there was NO ONE else to turn to but Him. He has never left me since I have asked Him to come into my heart. Before I asked God into my heart, I didn't understand what it meant to feel loved. Every single day felt like hell. It was just a big rut that I couldn't get out of. No matter what I did to try and self-medicate. Those dark feelings always lingered even when I thought I was happy. You're there, right now, living that at this very moment. You're at that time in your life where every single day is your own personal living hell. But it doesn't have to be like this. You can have joy and hope even when everything around you seems to be falling apart. You don't have to dwell in your despair. There is a way out! Even in your brokenness, you can be made whole through Him. All you have to do is ask for it. 

The man on the island.

Once upon a time, I went to chapel. The guest speaker had shared a little anecdote and asked a question. "There is a man on an island in the middle of the Atlantic. He has never heard of God or Jesus, let alone the gospel. Let's say he were to die of natural causes. Would he wake up in heaven?" Half of the people in the room answered "yes" and the other half answered "no". How could there be such a split answer if every Christian reads the same Bible, believes in the same God, and accepts the same gospel? The speaker continued on with the anecdote. "Now here is a different scenario. The man is on the island. Billy Graham sails to the island, gets on land, and shares the gospel with the man. The obstinate man says 'No thank you. I don't want to follow this Jesus guy.' Billy Graham had did what he could, but the man just refused to believe him with every fiber of his being. So Billy sailed away. The man died of natural causes. Now would he wake up in heaven?" Everyone answered "no" in unison.

The guest speaker continued on with his sermon. He went on to answer the first question. Would the man on the island wake up in heaven? The guest speaker answered "no" and backed it up with Scripture. He made the following points about the man on the island:

1. The man must know that God exists because He reveals Himself through creation.         (Romans 1:19, Psalm 14:1, Psalms 19:1)
2. We know that he is a sinner because "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  (Romans 1:21, Isaiah 53:6, Romans 3:23)
3. He is accountable for his sin. (Romans 6:23, 2 Thessalonians 1:7-10, Isaiah 53:6)
4. He can be saved from his sins and given eternal life with Jesus.                                                     (John 14:1-6, Romans 10:13, Romans 3:20-24, Acts 4:12, 1 Timothy 2:5, John 3:16)
5. This causes us to be urgent with the gospel. (Romans 10:14-15, Acts 21:13, Philippians 1:21)

I am not necessarily disagreeing with the speaker's points. BUT, I whole-heartily disagree with how he answered the first question. I believe that he misused these points and took the verses (which I have listed) out of context. He used them to falsely say that the man on the island, in the first scenario, would not have a chance at waking up in heaven. This is where I believe he needs to rethink his answer because he sounds like a dumb dumb. Consider this: We do not choose the circumstances we are born into and God is just.

Every person is born into this world and every person must face death. This is a true fact of life. No one chooses where they are born, who their parents are, whether they are born into wealth or poverty, or the culture that surrounds their existence. The man on the island was meant to represent the unreached people groups of the world. The unreached people groups are the people who have never heard the gospel before. There are 6,505 of these groups in the world. It's one thing to be accountable for hearing it and rejecting it, as was the case with the second scenario in the anecdote. You were given a choice, and you decided your own fate. But for the person who never even had the chance to hear it. Never had the chance to accept it or reject it. THAT was not their decision. They did not choose to be born on that island any more than I chose to be born here in America. They did not choose to live a life of ignorance not knowing what their heart was missing any more than I chose to hear the gospel that I accepted because I knew what my heart had been longing for. This man on the island, these unreached people, cannot be condemned to eternal damnation solely because they were born into the most unfortunate circumstances of not being able to choose their own fate or where they would want to spend eternity.

This speaker had some major audacity to try and speak for God when he said that the man on the island would not wake up in heaven. God is just. He does not judge by human standards. I don't believe that God would eternally damn these people for their ignorance any more than he would eternally damn an innocent baby. Although Jesus is in fact the only way to heaven, the man on the island must be held accountable in a different way.  After all, anyone who reads the Bible should know about God's temperament. They should know that God is merciful. He loves us, ALL of His creation. Not just the people who were blessed to hear and accept the gospel. He loves those lost unreached people just as much as He loves us. I am not denouncing the importance of missions. These people should be given a choice, and that is where the vitality of missions comes in.

You, too, will try and answer whether or not the man on the island will wake up in heaven. Just remember this: he did not choose the be born into ignorance, and God is just.  

Ruth.

Before I went to sleep last night, I read the entire book of Ruth in the Bible. It's one of those smaller books in the Old Testament and is often skipped over or forgotten. As I was reading it, I knew I had read it about two years ago. This time it held some more significance though. The verses that stuck out to me most were Ruth 1:16-17. That's all I highlighted. This morning I went to Church. We sang Blessed Be Your Name. Then our Pastor opened up the alter to let people come up and pray about anything that was on their heart. I stayed in my seat because I didn't feel like I should go up. I don't have anything on my heart this morning that I'm ready to give up yet. So, after this our Pastor usually shares what we're reading from out of the Bible. He told everyone to turn to the book of Ruth. Then he read verses 1:16-17. Go figure. Pure coincidence? I think not!

But Ruth replied:
"Do not persuade me to leave you
or go back and not follow you.
For wherever you live, I will live;
your people will be my people,
and your God will be my God.
Where you die, I will die,
and there, I will be buried.
May the Lord do this to me,
and even more,
if anything but death separates you and me."

Ruth 1:16-17 

Here's a little background information about Ruth. Her mother-in-law is Naomi. Naomi's husband and sons die. During this time, there is a famine in the land. Naomi and Ruth are both widows. They decide to go back to the land of Judah where there is food. Ruth decides to stay with Naomi and take care of her mother-in-law. In the land of Judah, Ruth was considered a foreigner. She worked for a relative of Naomi's late husband. Ruth married him and was no longer a widow. Although she lived in destitution, she was redeemed because she made the sacrifice and followed Naomi and was faithful to God.

Naomi was so lost that she renamed herself Mara, which means "bitter". Her and Ruth had no family, no land, and no possessions. It would have been easy to stay mad about their circumstances and remain bitter.  She wasn't promised anything but followed her mother-in-law anyways and did the right thing. She didn't give up. Ruth put her hope in the Lord when she couldn't do it on her own. Everyone always has some sort of burden. No ones life is completely 100% stress free. It's too hard to try and deal with everything on your own. From personal experience, trying to do things on your own can lead to overwhelming stress that will make you sick. Look at Ruth's example. See how she didn't give up or be to independent, but relied on God.

One of the most popular things a Christian says to a fellow Christian during times of distress is "God won't give you more than you can handle." Honestly, I disagree with this. God NEVER said He wouldn't give you more than you can handle. When it rains, it pours. One bad thing happens after another and you get this rain-and-pour syndrome. What do YOU do when you have this syndrome? Do you fall to your knees and cry out to God? God will give you more than you can handle, but He will always provide a way of escape. When you're going through times of distress, He is there at the ready. He is waiting for you to cry out to Him in your time of need. He is always there watching over you. Even if you don't hear Him or see Him right away, that doesn't mean He will never come to your aid or that He isn't there. Because He is there. Waiting for you. I believe He gives you more than you can handle because when you can't deal with everything anymore, you look for a way of escape. Usually, that is when most people rely on God. Maybe He gives you more than you can handle so you realize that you don't need to do everything on your own. So when you're at the point where you think you can't take anymore, call on Him. What do you have to lose?

Tree 63 - Blessed Be Your Name

"They don't deserve it."

Today I was at chapel hoping to get something out of the speaker. I did. Way more than I thought. He shared the story of Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. Long story short, Joseph had much power and authority over his brothers. He could have punished them or had them killed. Instead, he chose to forgive them. At the end of the service, the speaker asked everyone in the room to close their eyes. He said there were probably people in the room who needed to forgive other people. That there were people in the room who HATED another human being, and could not find it in their heart to forgive them. He asked those people to open their eyes and make eye contact with him. My eyes opened and I was the first person he acknowledged. He prayed for everyone, including me, who had met his eyes.

 Someone does the same thing over and over again. You forgive them even for the times they don't apologize or admit that they were wrong. They keep doing the very same thing that you forgave them for. You feel like it becomes redundant. It's too repetitive. It's like they use your forgiveness as a Get Out of Jail Free card for every time they mess up. They figure they can keep doing it because you'll forgive them anyways. In return, you stop forgiving them. After all, why forgive when it doesn't matter to them? You feel like they're not deserving of your forgiveness.

So, why forgive someone when they don't deserve it? Not forgiving other people is going to turn you into a bitter person. Anger and bitterness can turn a soft and warm heart into a callous heart of stone. It's so easy for someone without that bitterness to say "forgive others because God forgives you." It's a wonderful saying and I agree with it. How can you expect to be forgiven if you refuse to forgive others? You can't. It's not always that easy to forgive others though. It isn't as easy or simple as saying "I forgive you". You might want to forgive them. You repeat the phrase over and over again. Maybe if you repeat those words enough times then you'll delude yourself into thinking you truly forgave them. You might even think you did. But deep down you haven't let go. You still have that anger about what they did. If you still have that anger, then you didn't forgive them completely. On your own, you don't know HOW to forgive them.

Let me introduce a sweet little blessing called grace. Grace is "a free or unmerited gift or privilege bestowed by God, whose favour, or revealing of himself, cannot be earned or attained by human efforts." Did you notice the words in bold. Let me say that again: cannot be earned or attained by human efforts. True forgiveness can only come from God. It takes effort and faith and hope, even when you feel like you have none. You can't let go of all that pent up anger and bitterness on your own. It can be so hard to forgive someone. But keep in mind that it's not impossible.

I'll be open and admit I'm having a very difficult time forgiving someone. I have all of this pent up anger and bitterness towards them. I feel like forgiving them lets them off easy. Truthfully, not forgiving them has harmed me more than them.  I've tried forgiving them but I can't find it within myself to let go. That's because I've tried forgiving them on my own. There's too much anger for me to find forgiveness alone. I need God's grace to truly forgive them. There's no way around it. Oh the journey begins.

"³ So watch yourselves.

   “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. ⁴ Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” -Luke 17:3-4