Augustine describing the Trinity

"The true objects of enjoyment, then, are the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, who are at the same time the Trinity, one Being, supreme above all, and common to all who enjoy Him, if He is an object, and not rather the cause of all objects, or indeed even if He is the cause of all. For it is not easy to find a name that will suitably express so great excellence, unless it is better to speak in this way: The Trinity, one God, of whom are all things, through whom are all things, in whom are all things.(1) Thus the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and each of these by Himself, is God, and at the same time they are all one God; and each of them by Himself is a complete substance, and yet they are all one substance. The Father is not the Son nor the Holy Spirit; the Son is not the Father nor the Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit is not the Father nor the Son: but the Father is only Father, the Son is only Son, and the Holy Spirit is only Holy Spirit. To all three belong the same eternity, the same unchangeableness, the same majesty, the same power. In the Father is unity, in the Son equality, in the Holy Spirit the harmony of unity and equality; and these three attributes are all one because of the Father, all equal because of the Son, and all harmonious because of the Holy Spirit."

An excerpt from Augustine's "On Christian Doctrine"

Just look up.

Last night, Lisa went home to be with the Lord. She was like a mother to me while I was growing up. I used to spend more time at her house with her family than with my own flesh and blood. In middle school, she took me to school every morning with her daughters. When I had head lice and couldn't treat it for months, she treated it for me until it went away. And then had to treat Sarah with her super thick hair lol. Every Wednesday night she would pick us up from church. On Sundays, she would go to church with us and make a huge dinner for our family. We've got some picky eaters so she made something for everybody. She gave you the best & most straight forward advice when you needed to hear it. She gave me a lot of advice, and always asked about my family. If you were wearing mismatched clothes and had bedhead, Lisa would still tell you you looked beautiful. She actually meant it. When Lisa cared about someone, she genuinely cared about you. She was very compassionate when someone was sick or hurting. When I was at the camps last summer, she called me just to tell me she missed me and she loved me. <3

This admirable woman gave us the three beautiful young ladies that I call my sisters: Amanda, Sarah, and Christina. Their mother would do anything for her children. As a single mother who raised five children, Lisa is pretty incredible. If her kids really wanted or needed something, she would find a way to get it. She loved them unconditionally. She could tell if something was wrong or if something was bothering them. Being a concerned mother when any of her daughters were acting strange, she would secretly call me to make sure they were alright. I had to promise to tell her if anything was seriously wrong. Of course I never had to tell her about anything, but she still called anyways because she loved her daughters so so so much. I will forever be thankful to Lisa and look to her with gratitude for the amazing way she raised her children. Also for giving me the people that I consider my close family.

All of her daughters are beautiful, strong, smart, and talented in some way. Their brother Eric has handled everything so well, and is a great man. Alex is a good brother, and has done a good job at being there for his sisters. Saying the upcoming months will be hard is an understatement. Everything is changing, but you will always have each other. Nothing is going to break the tight bonds of this family. You all love one another, and need to be together right now. Mom is so proud of you guys: working, taking care of the house,  taking care of each other. There is nothing you can't do, and you guys will get through this. One day at a time. So many people love you and will be there at a seconds notice to comfort you, cook for you, make you laugh, be a shoulder to cry on, or hug you.

It feels like it was too soon for her to go... and it was. Especially while we are just beginning our adulthood. We weren't ready to let mom go, and we won't be ready to for a very long time. How could we ever be ready to let go of such a wonderful woman who meant so much to us? We don't understand why God would take her so soon. Perhaps we won't even understand during this lifetime. There is one thing we can hold on to during this time of pain, loss, and sorrow. Don't we believe in an afterlife with God and Jesus? Didn't mom believe in that too? Yes, she wholeheartedly did. We can be comforted knowing where mom is. Her body remains here on earth, but her soul is free in Heaven. She is no longer bound by physical pain or hurt. She can only experience joy. She is still alive in Heaven, and we have hopes of seeing her again. We WILL see her again. Until that time, in those moments when you miss her so much, just look up. I promise you she's looking down too.

A time for everything.

Most of us have been on this earth for at least two decades. Yet, we are still taken by surprise when one area of our life such as family, friends, relationships, finances, work, school, health, and the like undergo a change. If this change is seen as bad, people tend to get angry about it. Often, they'll ask "Why me?" or "How can God have allowed something like this to happen?" Then their anger will be directed towards God. We cannot expect things to stay the same forever. Things must change. It is a fact of life. If things are going great, you should expect it to rain sooner or later. If things aren't going too good, you should expect to see the sun shine once more. Everything in this life has its proper time.

"1 There is a time for everything,

      and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,

      a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,

      a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

      a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

      a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,

      a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,

      a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,

      a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-14)

Nothing in life is a mere coincidence. The environment you were raised in, the silly mistakes you made as a teenager or college student, your heart's greatest passions, the pain and happiness you have endured, the people you have encountered and let go of. All of these things have had a specific purpose in your life. The best things are usually the most unexpected. The change you're going through right now, or will soon be going through, is necessary. While it is not intentional on your part, it is quite intentional on God's part. Our desired timing for something can be non-beneficial. So whether or not this change seems to be good right now, endure it. Embrace it. Challenge it with a smile and be ready for whatever it brings. It may have taken you by surprise, but it was already foreseen by someone else. Although it looks like an inconvenience, it might become your biggest opportunity. Let go of those things or people you had wished for but never received. Be humble, thoughtful, and accepting towards change. Their seems to be an ever silent hand guiding us to where we need to be. Just think about it. Don't things always seem to work themselves out in the end?

*Satan*

While I was on facebook I came across a page called *Satan*. I looked at the page out of curiosity. What I saw didn’t surprise me too much. There were a ton of people bashing religion and God and His “fans”. Naturally, there would be Christian responses. I didn’t like most of them. There were Christians “defending the faith”. They did this by posting Bible verses and telling the people that they needed to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. That the Lord will execute His enemies. That everyone needed to repent and shouldn’t sell their soul to the Devil. And we wonder why people don’t like Christians? That’s why.

            Although the Christians may have had good intentions, they went about it the wrong way. There’s a good way and a bad way to approach these things, and that was definitely a bad way. If you tell people these kinds of things when they already have a negative view of Christianity and God, then you are going to get a not-so-cheery response. You need to remember that they don’t have the same beliefs as you. They are going to think that what you’re saying is hog wash and label you as an unintelligent loony-tune. Being “Holier than thou” will not get you anywhere. The only thing you will get from it is closed doors, smirks, and curses. You don’t want to lose an opportunity because you’re trying to be pious. Do you think that will please God? Think again.

            Why not discuss how they came to their conclusion about Christianity and God instead of condemning them to hell? That will open the door for a good discussion. You will be able to see their side and learn how they think. Then in turn, you have a chance to share how you came to your conclusion about God and Christianity. I couldn’t see this page and say nothing. I posted “So this is an anti-Christianity & anti-religion page. Why do you hate Christianity or religion in general? I’m not taking any sides, but want genuine feedback please.” I’m hoping that people give real, thoughtful responses. I will make another blog that will anonymously list some of the responses. If you ever hope or intend on talking to people who see things differently, then you need to know their point of view.

Tragedy Strikes.

In my community, today is hard to bear. It is hard to smile or laugh when we remember what happened two years ago. Today marks the two-year anniversary of a tragedy: a beautiful & beloved teenager got taken from us. Her eyes closed: never to be opened again.

I remember when I first heard about it on April 10th, 2010. Sophomore year. Spring break is only a week away. Amanda, Chrissy, and I are in their living room. Amanda gets a call from one of our close friends. Tears start rolling down her face. Waiting impatiently, we all want to know why she's crying. The phone call ends and there is a moment of silence. Finally Amanda says, "Allie got into a car accident yesterday." Heart drops. "Is she okay?" It seemed like we spent forever waiting for the answer. Phone calls were made to find out more information. We were worried. Finally we find out that she's in the hospital. All we know is that she's unconscious and hasn't woken up yet. My mom took us to go see her. On the way there my mom reassures me that people can regain consciousness.

We arrive at the hospital and make the journey up to her room. There are a ton of other people there already. Some of them are mutual friends. The waiting room next to her room is full of family; the hallway is full of friends. They let us know that Allie has no brain activity. Machines are keeping her breathing, but they will be shut off tomorrow. Our close friend is never going to wake up. We will never hear her mellifluous laugh again; never see her contagious smile. It took a few minutes for that to sink in. The tears started flowing and would not stop.

Her mom let us go into Allie's room to see her one last time. Allie is laying there peacefully. Her eyes are shut and there is a subtle rising and falling in her chest. Good friends gave her a manicure and pedicure. Not a single blond hair was misplaced. Her pink skin was lotioned. Allie looked so alive. Like she was only sleeping. Her mom told us that we can talk to Allie. We could give her a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I was speechless. Words refused to come out of my mouth. I couldn't touch her because she wouldn't be able to give me a hug in return. All she had was a small sign of impact on her forehead and a broken nose. Untouched by death, Allie was still beautiful.

Allie was taken off of life support on April 11th, 2010. The rest of April was a living hell. It would not stop raining. Heaven was mourning with us. My sisters and I were very close with Allie Freshman year. She used to come over almost every day after school. A part of our hearts died with her. All of us had a different way of coping. My sisters and a few friends painted the pole that the car crashed into. Many of her close friends spent a lot of time together. I coped by withdrawing from everyone. The anxiety was too much to handle, and I couldn't be there for anyone. I wish I had been there more for my sisters.

How could a sixteen year old believe there was justice in an undeserved death? I couldn't. So I was angry. I was angry with God for taking Allie away from us. She was one of the last people on Earth who deserved to die so young. She loved life and she lived it. I was bearing an unbearable burden. In my anger I yelled at God. I yelled for weeks. I didn't understand. All I wanted was to understand. I had believed that God was just and He had a purpose for everything. So I was shaken up because I couldn't see a purpose in this. My anger had gotten so bad that I couldn't pray without crying. Nor could I read my Bible without crying. I used to turn to my faith in God when I was confronted with pain or grief. With my faith running dry, where else could I have turned?

The time came where I was tired of yelling at God. I was honest with Him and told Him that it was too much. I needed comfort. It was all or nothing. I demanded an answer as to why He allowed this tragedy to strike. I could not move forward without clarity, and my faith was running thin. I opened my Bible to a random place expecting to finally hear from God. And oh I definitely heard Him. I opened my Bible to 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.


 " ¹³ Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. ¹⁴ We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage each other with these words."

I miss her sooo much. But that day God answered my yells. He gave me comfort knowing that there is hope. I will see her again. Not in this life, but in the next<3. When you call on Him, He will answer.

Sing a new song.

"1 I waited patiently for the Lord;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.
 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
   he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.
 3 He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
   Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in God."

Psalm 40:1-3

Today I was doing my daily Psalm reading, and Psalm 40 really got to me. I recommend you read the entire Psalm, but these were a few of my favorite verses. The psalmist is in incredible despair. He waited for the Lord and prayed to God when he could not handle it anymore. Then, God heard him and rescued him. Being in a pit of mud and mire, you are only sinking further and further down until you cannot help yourself. You would be so trapped that it is nearly impossible for someone else to pull you out of that wretched pit. The psalmist trusted in God alone to rescue him from sinking. He did not trust in man. When rescued, he was able to stand firmly. Given a new song to sing, he praised God.

February was a difficult month. There was a lot going on that I wasn't sure how to deal with. I was waiting on the Lord for answers I felt would never come. I felt like the psalmist: trapped in a slimy pit of mud and mire. I was sinking and no one could have helped me. Only God could bring me peace of mind and a clear heart. He always heard my pleas, and He answered my cries. Now I have clarity and a firm place to stand. I'm going to continue trusting in God. Finally, there is a new song to sing. Not a song of despair, but a song of HOPE.

For Free?

During college group two weeks ago, everyone was going around in a circle giving prayer requests. When my turn comes, I ask everyone to pray that I'm able to find an affordable piano. I really wanted my own piano so I can practice and improve my playing. I have a keyboard, but it just sounds so different than a real piano. Everyone said they would let me know if they came across anything. Honestly, I didn't know how I could afford a good piano unless I saved up for a good portion of the semester.

Today, I get a call after my Personality Theories class is over. It's Ms. Patti, the wonderful woman who leads college group. She called to let me know that she has a friend named Chad who has a piano they don't want anymore. Awesome, and how much is he selling it for? Oh, he isn't selling it. He's giving the piano away for free. That's right. FREE! So Ms. Patti called to let me know and asked me when I would be able to pick it up. At his earliest convenience, of course. But my own piano, for free? That is just UH-mazing!

Ironically, I got this glorious news after withdrew from my Piano 1 class today.  I don't have time to practice. Nor did I own a piano to play on. Yet, God gives me a piano the same exact day I gave up my only opportunity to play. Now I can play at my leisure and without having to stress out about keeping up with the class. I can play and learn the songs that I desire. I didn't have to look for it or save up for one. This is a blessing in its greatest form . Nothing is out of God's power. He always takes care of me, and gives me more than I deserve. It's moments like this where I'm reminded how great and infinite God's love is. :D

Are You Listening?

I just read an article on Yahoo about a high school shooting that happened in Ohio. Five students were shot. Four of them were injured but one of the students have already died. The shooter was a Junior. They described him as quiet and goth. He had tweeted that he was going to bring a gun to school the next day. He posted that on the Internet. In plain sight. Where people could read it. And react to it. The problem?

  NO ONE TOOK HIM SERIOUSLY. 

This entire tragedy could have been prevented. Clearly, this boy was crying out for help. No one had listened to him. No one responded to him. So, he made them listen. In a horrible way. Other people paid the price. A high school student died because of other people's silence. The shooter is lost too. This is nothing but a tragedy.

What if someone had tried talking to him? It may have made a difference. Maybe he wouldn't have gone to such drastic measures to get someone to listen to him. Someone would not have died. All it would have taken was for someone to reach out to this quiet kid. To have compassion and an open ear. But no one did. And probably because they thought this goth kid was weird or not worth their time. Oh how wrong they were.

Every human being is worth something. I don't care if you think they're weird or annoying or funny looking. Every single person has a voice that needs to be heard by someone else. There are so many people around you crying out for help. So many people who are broken and doing anything to let others know that they need help and love. They need to be loved. They shouldn't be overlooked for any reason. We need to take action. Stop and look around you. Are you listening?

Rain and Sunshine.

Aren't we all promised a peaceful, comfortable life? Didn't God promise there will only be smiles? If so, then why do we have to suffer?

My friends, we were never promised that things would be easy peasy. Sometimes we are required to go through times of hardship. We suffer and cry and feel despair. Our faith is tested and we don't always know what to do. Whether we should scream or fall to our knees. Well, there are two ways to react during suffering: play the victim or accept it.

The first reaction is what many, many people choose. We like to play the victim. We ask God why He is putting us through something so terrible that we cannot bear. We simply give up and do not see the point in it. We feel that there is no reason behind suffering and we throw ourselves a pity party. We feel like life is not fair and that we don't deserve this. Simply, we become Suffering's angry victims that turn away from God. The second reaction is acceptance. We accept the situation that inflicted the pain. We may ask the reason for the pain, but we do not remain angry over it. We believe that this pain is not for nothing. We believe that this pain has purpose. We cling to God knowing He will wipe away our tears.

Which reaction is the correct response? The second one: reacting to pain and suffering with acceptance. Truthfully, God did not promise us a life that would only bring smiles. There is sunshine as well as rain. Life consists of good and bad. It is our choice to do what we want with pain that we are given. While we are going through pain, we become blind. We are consumed by our emotions and by the circumstances. Although you are temporarily knocked down, get back up. Don't let your pain and suffering get the best of you.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet', so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." Hebrews 12:11-12

It is so easy to be happy when everything is going the way we want. It is when some trial is thrown into our life that we cease being happy. I implore you to try and see a bigger picture. Although the purpose is not in front of you, you will come to see it. One day. But you can make the choice, right now, to accept it and turn it into something positive. To grow from it. As much as we don't like going through pain and suffering, we will always learn something from it. For accepting things as they are, we build find peace rather than anger. After we successfully endure suffering, there is a sense of triumph. Faith allows us to look forward to that triumph. Despite the circumstances, there is hope, always.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:1-4

Now.

Happy February! I haven't been posting as much as I've wanted to. This semester is crazy busy. But worth it.

Every single person has something that they desire. Something that just seems so out of reach. We are never perfectly content with what we have. There's always that extra little thing we "need". A lot of the time we want things that we just can't have. It isn't meant for us at this specific moment in time. Personally, there are some things that I desire with huge pieces of my heart. Things I can't control. Things I can't decide to just have or happen in spite of how much I yearn for it. What I've learned the most so far this semester: 
                                           Enjoy the things you have now. 

To not live with regret about the past, experiences you can't erase, and decisions you can't remake. When you dwell in the past, you are preventing yourself from moving forward. You are so caught up in what happened that you hinder yourself. Instead of living in the past, learn from your mistakes or experiences. Accept what happened. Turn them into something good that can be used to benefit yourself or other people. If you stay in the past, you will miss out on the present. 

To not worry and obsess over the future that cannot be controlled or foreseen. People my age do this like it's a hobby. We're so young and have our whole lives ahead of us. We wonder where we're going to live, what job we'll have, who we're going to marry. And some people literally obsess over these things. They are important to think about. But don't OVER think it. A lot of disappointment happens when things don't go as we planned. Truthfully, things rarely unfold the way we thought they would. Of course it's important to make goals and aspire to do things in the future. But keep it flexible. Don't base your whole entire life or future off of a plan. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" Proverbs 16:9 is painted on my wall to remind me of this. If you focus on the future too much, you will miss out on the present. 

We can't let regret about the past or uncertainty about the future keep us from living in the present. The things today are all you have. Learn to appreciate it. Be thankful on that sunny day to be able to feel the sun on your skin. For the people you have in your life right now. Enjoy the conversation and company they bring. Appreciate every single day, and accept what comes your way. Whether you're going to school, working, etc: treat everything with significance and meaning. Love the little things.

My element.

The first week of my Spring semester is over. This week flew by so fast. I have a feeling that Spring 2012 will too. My major is Cross-cultural studies. This involves a little bit of economics, psychology, sociology, and political science. You study how people act throughout different cultures. I'm going to use this major to be a missionary. My minor is Psychology. Love love love it. So I love something about all of my classes.  First is Interpreting the Bible. Surprisingly, my professor is also a member of my church. Unfortunately, this doesn't earn me any brownie points. This class involves reading a book and learning a lot of new terms. But I love it because it really makes you think and prove your point during arguments. Second, I have the World of Caesar and Christ. This class involves a TON of reading. Courtesy of the honors program. The book is really interesting and poetic, so I don't really mind the reading. The Aeneid shows the worldview of the Romans and Greeks. Somehow, my professor is able to make their worldview relate to ours. Third, I'm taking Piano I. Piano is my favorite instrument to play. I want to get to a point to where I can just read music and play it. That way I can use it to play praise and worship music. Now that would be awesome. Fourth is Foundations for Christian Ministry. This is by far my favorite class. My professor was a missionary. He talks about some of his different trips. He really makes us learn about ourselves and challenges us to see things from a different perspective. Something he's great at is reminding us that we all want to do ministry. Just some things he talks about makes me realize how much growing I still have left. If you're going to be involved in ministry, you need to realize that your actions are going to have a lot of effects on other people. People are going to look to you for guidance and ask you questions. You need to be a leader and have answers. Fifth, I have Personality Theories. It's a psych class, and I'm not too fond of it yet. Hoping it gets better. Lastly, I have Writing About Literature. Not too fond of this class either. :p

Something amazing happened today. I mentioned in a previous blog that I want to be actively involved in ministry this semester. Well....... I got an internship!! So excited. My internship is going to be with First Baptist Church. They need someone to help out with the daycare center. There's about 50-80 kids. They come from all different backgrounds. My main job is to build relationships with the kids and get to know them. Eventually, I'll be the one leading chapel for them. I'm so stoked! Also, once a week I will be conducting surveys of what the parents think about the daycare. This will be done house by house. This gives us an opportunity to see who wants to get more involved in the church. It's pretty much a local missions field. Even thinking about reaching out to these people makes me all jittery and giddy. 

The main point of this is to get experience in ministry. It's going to make me develop more leadership skills and challenge my teaching skills. Also, I'm going to have to keep myself in check spiritually. I can't allow myself to slack spiritually. If I do, then it will effect others negatively. This is such a great chance for me to grow. It will help me focus on what's important and to get my priorities straight. I want to do ministry more than anything. It's my element. It's where I find the most joy. I'm happier doing ministry than I am anywhere else. I start my internship next Thursday :)

Angels unawares.

Yesterday I had a very interesting encounter with a woman. Here's the story.

My classes are done for the day and I'm on my way to the gym. On the way to my car to get my gym clothes, there was a woman who passed me on a bike. She stopped, got my attention, and asked me if I could help her. This woman looked like she was maybe in her late forties. She was very tan, a bit frail, and weathered. Her voice was timid when she had asked for help. So of course I would help her if I could. She said she needed help getting groceries. I didn't know if she meant she needed money to buy groceries or a ride to carry groceries. I offered her the few dollars I had but she called me a sweetheart and said no thank you. Her and I walked for a few minutes just talking. She asked if I went to PBA and whether or not I live on campus. Just trying to make small talk. I still couldn't get it off my mind that she needed help and I couldn't help her. So I asked her for her name. Her name is Deborah, and I shook her hand. Then I told her my name is Stephanie. I pulled out a PBA business card. They're white and the backs of them are blank. I wrote my first name and cell number on the back of it. I told her to call me if she ever needs help. Also, that if I can't help her then I'm a part of a local church that has ways of helping people who need it. She had a good smile and said thank you. We waved bye. Deborah was just so sweet. She was out of sight by the time I had gotten my clothes.

This whole experience might seem either trivial or silly once I explain it. But that's okay. It just reminded me that we're meant to help people in any way possible if we can. I couldn't help Deborah today, but maybe there will be a time when she does need help. She has my number and can call. She has an option now to ask someone for help. Now she knows that someone does care. This reminded me of a verse.

"Forget not to show love unto strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."
Hebrews 13:2 

If someone ever asks you for help, and you have the power to help them, please do so. You never know who may be asking.

Back to School. Yayyyy

Today's the first day back to PBA. I'm excited to see how my classes will go. This semester is going to be different than last semester. I'm going to get more focused on school and put forth more effort. Especially with the ministry and volunteering part. I want to go to chapel but not because I feel obligated to. Last semester I had my head in the clouds most days. Either I was tired and worn out, or running off of caffeine and stressed out. There was always something to do and somewhere to be. I had no real sense of direction and put time into things that weren't as important as I thought. Something I'm going to work on this semester is time management. One of my Christmas presents was a daytime planner. Thanks mom! Also, I'm going to wake up earlier every day and have morning quiet time & coffee.

"Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk--not as unwise people but as wise-- making the most of the time because the days are evil." Ephesians 5: 15-16

There was one significant thing I got from reading these verses. Our days are numbered. No matter who we are. So each day we have should be lived wisely. The choices I make today, even the trivial little choices, are going to reflect where I am in my Christian walk. A lot of Christians do some pretty "un-Christian" things. Our excuse is usually "well I'm young" as if that justifies some of our choices.

I'm guilty of using that excuse too to get out of some of my responsibilities. I've used it to justify some of my poor choices last semester. "Well I'm young so God will understand and just forgive me." Even at a Christian college, it's hard to keep my focus on God at times. This semester I plan on having a better focus. I don't want to only be concerned about His bigger will for my life. I also want to be looking for His will in my everyday life. Whether it's helping someone in need or complaining less and being more thankful.

New Year!

First thing's first...... HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)


This New Year has been absolutely amazing so far. It has gotten off to a great start. I got to go to Alabama for a Winter Retreat with Mud Ministry. This was the perfect escape that I needed oh so badly. It was the one chance I had to get away from my everyday life and self-reflect. 2012 is here and along with the New Year came some big decisions I had to make.

One thing that majorly conflicted me was whether or not I wanted to join the National Guard. The pros had outweighed the cons. It would pay for the rest of college. There would be some major character building and I would learn a sense of independence. I would get paid and could save up. I would learn self-defense and never be a damsel in distress. Yet, this retreat had showed me what truly mattered. There would have been a high price to pay if I had decided to join the National Guard. My summer with Mud Ministry would be gone. This is my second year being involved with Mud. The thought of not being at the camps had terrified me. At this retreat, I got to be a camp counselor. That was so awesome. I loved being there for these girls. It was a privilege to even pray for them. How could I give this up for something I would consider a second job? The National Guard plan was kicked to the curb. My heart is with ministry. More specifically, it's with Mud Ministry.

Secondly, I decided to abstain from dating for a year. As of now, it's been six months. That seems like a silly decision to some people. But it wasn't made impulsively. The main reason is to take this time and find out  where I am in my Christian walk and to build my relationship up with God before I get into another serious relationship. I've noticed that I get distracted from God when I'm in a relationship. So this whole year time span is meant to be dedicated to God. Over the summer, I symbolically wrote "momentous relationships" on my rock and tossed it in the lake (It was something done at the Mud Camps).  That was supposed to symbolize something I wanted to purge out of my life. I really plan on sticking with this. During the summer of 2012, I don't want any negative distractions. My heart will be focused solely on the Ministry right in front of me.

Also, I've really learned the meaning of patience. About what it means to wait for God's will instead of pursuing after my own will. After I made the commitment to abstain from dating for a year, it made me think about the kind of person I want to be with. In June 2011, I had prayed for a few things. That the next relationship would be the kind that lasts. Really lasts. That we would become best friends for awhile before we even dated. Most importantly, that he wouldn't just be a Christian but also have a passion for ministry. This is worth waiting for, and I will definitely know when it comes my way. :)

My main focus this semester is to be actively involved in ministry. Mud Ministry is going to be opening up full-time positions. I would be a complete dumbdumb if I didn't jump at this opportunity. That's a little ways down the road. I am definitely going to be committed to being with Mud during the summer. Meanwhile, there's an opportunity for me to get involved with a ministry at a local church. It involves working with teens. The semester starts January 9th and I'll know for sure how I'm going to be involved here.

2012 is unfolding wonderfully so far. I can't wait to see what's in store. My main goal for this year is to be involved with ministry more. That's my heart's passion. That's my calling. I don't want anything to distract me or get in the way of it. This is my prayer for 2012:

"Please make me selfless so that I may put Your desires before mine. Give me the courage that I may speak boldly for You and give me the patience to put aside my will so I may live in Yours." Amen :)