Dear Nana,

Dear Nana,

I wish you were still here. I have so many things I wanted to tell you. I think in this past year I have probably spent more time with you than anyone else. Yet, somehow, it still doesn't feel like it was long enough. When Denise called me on Saturday night to tell me the news, my world stopped. All I can do is keep myself busy so I don't have time to think. Because if I think about it, I might internally combust and crumble. My mind feels like it's been hazy since then and I don't think the clouds are going away anytime soon. Suddenly, those notes you would leave for me when I spent the night are prized treasure. Your little scribbled "I love you's" on yellow paper are gold to me. If I can find any pictures of us together, it will be better than winning the lottery.

I wanted to say thank you for everything you've taught me. For showing me how to tie my shoes. The difference between "cheap" and "inexpensive." Everyone should have bright clothes and different jewelry for every occasion. How to appreciate the stillness of the world and my surroundings when we would bird watch in your backyard. That the small moments are the most beautiful and the ones we remember. To never judge anyone, no matter how terrible they may be. Always to be honest with others even if we're afraid to tell the truth. To be sensitive and patient with others and their pain. Sharing your stories with me over and over again. I could listen to you for hours and be so intrigued by the people you've met, the places you've been, and the things you've done. That family runs deeper than blood and is marked by the people who choose to invest in your life. For always being there for me and supporting me in everything I've ever wanted to do. I'm mostly thankful for your unconditional love and understanding.

I know you don't want me or anyone else to be sad. It's just so hard because you are so loved and such an extraordinary woman. Going to your funeral will be one of the worst days of my life. It will make everything seem so final. Almost like a last goodbye. But that's why I wanted to write to you. Because even though you aren't physically here anymore, the footprints you've left all over my heart always will be. And because I don't think death is final, I hope to see you again someday. I hope a day will come when I can think of you and it won't hurt anymore. That I can simply smile and share a memory of you or one of your words of wisdom. You'll be in my thoughts everyday and my heart for eternity. I miss you and love you.

Until we can meet again,

Stephie