Time is a River.

I always feel like I have so much to say or so much to write about. But then I go forever without writing. I'm going to try and set more time aside to write. LOL maybe people will read it more. I'm going to write about an observation I've made.

Sooooooo today I found out that my mom was in the hospital. She got into some sort of bike accident and ended up fracturing her leg. I went to visit her and made sure she was okay. My Nana came too. She's the closest thing I've ever really had to a grandma. We all talked for a few hours. I learned a lot about my Nana. Until recently, I haven't been seeing or communicating with my mom or my Nana that often. It's been kind of on and off for the past few years. Lately though, we've been spending time together at random. Over the years I have forgotten the importance of family. I've missed that feeling of closeness with people other than friends.

Ever since I've gotten home from the Alabama trip, I was kinda bummed. I knew that when I came home I would have to deal with a lot of change. I really extremely badly wanted to stay in Alabama for another three weeks with my Mud Family. With them I always feel welcome and there's never really any turmoil. If there is, then they deal with it in a loving way. That's one reason I absolutely love all of them. I kinda begrudged coming home and was whiny towards God. I wanted something and He told me no. Now I understand why. If I had stayed in Alabama like I wanted, then I would have missed out on a lot of things here at home. I wouldn't have been there for my mom. I probably wouldn't have had the chance to get close with my Nana either. I wouldn't have been able to spend any time with my brother, who I haven't seen for over a month. Even though things didn't go the way I had wanted, everything turned out fine and better than I thought. I'm really thankful for the time I've got to have with the people I love.

There's definitely a moral to the story. I'll tell you just in case you haven't picked it up yet :) If things had gone in my timing, then I would be in Alabama right now. I would have missed out on important events. Luckily, things didn't go in my timing. Rather, everything in my life is happening in God's timing. I might be impatient and question why I have to wait, but it's always better that way. No matter what or how long you have to wait, listen and be watchful for what God is saying. Don't be whiny and moan and groan and complain. There's always a purpose. So for the time being, be patient and persistent. Don't give up because things aren't going according to your will or how you thought everything would turn out. The most important thing is to have faith that He will always take care of you and make sure things fall properly and perfectly into place. Even if it's not the way you expected ;)

Habakkuk 2:3

³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay.

lukewarm.

Today the message was about what it means to be a lukewarm Christian. Have you ever seen those people who claim to be Christian but they don't live a very Christian life? Doing good works alone isn't enough to get you to heaven. Faith without works is useless. Why say you believe in something if you don't follow your own beliefs? God doesn't want your leftovers. He wants ALL of you.

Today was the first day of camp. It was kind of hectic. The teens here are great. They're close. It's nice seeing new faces and having the chance to get to know new people. I get to reconnect with people that I haven't seen in a long time. Probably a year or longer. I'm not a counselor because I'm not eighteen yet (SIX MONTHS!!), but I do get to help out and I do help run the camp still. I hope God uses me to affect one person this week. I want to really get to know someone and be the one person they needed to talk with.

I miss everyone at home. But I'm so ecstatic to be here. I don't want any distractions. When I'm here right now, I feel like I can breathe. I feel so close to God. It's hard for me to feel like that throughout the entire year. Sometimes I feel like no matter how loud I talk, no one is listening. Here, when I'm with God, I know He's listening and He cares. My biggest prayer is that when I get home I can keep this feeling and that it doesn't fade.

On a positive note, my dad said I got a letter from my sponser child (Mercy)!!! I can't wait to reply. I want to meet this little girl so much. At least I know I'm making a postive difference in her life even though she lives half way around the world.

stalemate.

soooo it's been awhile since I've written a blog. There's a reason for that. I haven't really had much to write about. I feel like I've just been in this rut that I can't get out of. I guess I can just call it a stalemate. I feel like I haven't really been doing much for God these past two months. That thought really bothers me, so I'm going to change it. I have to.

Right now I'm in Alabama. I'm hosting a camp with Mud Ministry. It's a refuel camp for teens. Kind of like a Christian revival. Not just for them, but for the mudlets and camp staff too. I'll be here in Alabama for two weeks. I'm hoping to learn a lot. I really want to feel like I've accomplished something by being here. Even if it was smiling at someone who was feeling down. I want to feel like I'm making a difference somehow. I'll try writing as much as I can the next two weeks. 

Even though I miss everyone at home, I'm really excited to be here. I know God has a lot in store for me the next two weeks. The people here are amazing. The kids that come here are amazing. I love seeing people come together from so many different walks of life. No matter where we've been or where we're going, we're all here to worship the God we love and want to live for.

Revision.

I'm not entirely sure what classifies someone as a "good person." Someone classified as a "good person" doesn't always live up to the generalization. Every good person has something in their life that needs revision, no matter how much of a saint they appear to be. Not everyone likes being corrected, but sometimes it's needed. At times we have to correct ourselves. Specifically, I have had to correct myself. Time to quit being stubborn. I'm not always right about things. I can be wrong. Change isn't always easy but it's necessary.  :p

Mercy.

Mercy is a person. In fact, she's a girl. The little girl I'm sponsoring! She lives in Kenya and is only four years old. Today I wrote her a letter for the first time. I'm so excited. I've decided that one day I'm going to meet her and visit her in Kenya.

Sponsoring a child means sending a certain amount of money to them per month. A little money goes a long way in a child's life who faces poverty. It provides them with medical care, food, a roof over their head, and clothes. As little as $30 a month guarentees Mercy's well-being. It makes sure that she is taken care of. She lives in an aids infected area, so it helps ensure that she isn't infected. $30 might seem like a lot at first, but in all reality it's not that expensive. How much do you spend on going out to eat per month or other frivolous things such as going out to the movies? I'd give up these things in a heart beat if I was able to give the money to someone else who needed it more. If you want to learn more about sponsoring a child of your own: go to compassion.com.

Mercy might not be able to write back to my letters yet, but I'm going to keep sending them anyways. One day she will be old enough to reply, and I'm hoping that I was able to make a positive difference in her life. A little more hope comes with each letter. Especially knowing that someone on the other side of the world loves her even though we've never met. <3

the curse of desire.

Have you ever felt so strongly about something that all of your heart and soul beg for it? You feel as if you cannot breathe once it is taken away from you? This passion is nearly unbearable once its source is stolen. To be deprived of this certain thing is worse than not having any food or water. That big ball of light that filled your heart is snuffed out and you sit in absolute darkness. You yearn for something that is just out of reach. The situation should be easy, but it is so difficult for some reason.

You're in my prayers. I pray that you never lose hope or lose sight of what you feel so much passion for. Sooner than you think, it will be at your fingertips.

Say hi for me!

This blog is going to be short, sweet, and to the point. Lately God has been blessing me so much. With everything. I've been worried about how I'm going to pay for college, but I have almost everything paid for with scholarships. Also, I was worried about how I would be able to pay for the missions trips this summer, and everything is taken care of. Thank you to anonymous donations! I've been blessed with a very part-time job that I actually enjoy. I get to work with close friends and improve photography skills. Not many people find a job they like. Especially one that comes out of thin air. This will help me save up to come up with the rest of the money for college. High school is almost over. A little over two weeks and my summer begins. I can focus more on maybe volunteering somewhere and getting other things done, like learning Spanish or piano :)

Besides financial blessings, I've been blessed with amazing people in my life. My dad has always been there even when others haven't. I am very proud of my mom for trying to stay sober after eight years of alcoholism. It's crazy to think how much time went by. I am becoming more proud of my brother as he tries to improve his life too. I know he can do it as long as he tries. My friends are such a blessing too. If I start writing about them, this blog will no longer be short lol. Let's just say that there's a select few that have been with me for as long as I can remember and they mean more than the world to me. I've also made some new friends and they're absolutely wonderful. :). I can't forget to mention a boy I've been blessed with soooo much. He makes me very happy and the first thing he said when we started dating was "Let's have God as the center of our relationship." Hello to one-of-a-kind. To be dating someone who has the same belief as I do is amazing. Some people never experience love, and I'm blessed to have my love returned<3.

The biggest blessing of all though is how much I've grown in the past year. I can look fear in the face and no longer be terrified because I have faith. With faith, everything looks different. Faith isn't seeing blindly. It is seeing what others are too afraid to see, and experiencing things you never would have thought possible.